:D

Those were the joyous days..

I miss those days when I would play bball after school with dear..
Concentrating, practising and improving my lousy skills..
Trying to aim and achieve something..
Finding where's my weak area..
Trying to airshoot and aim for 3-pointer shots,
Those were my happiest days..
Although there were deadlines to meet,
Dreadiest rjs and evaluation to be completed,
But compared to working,
Those were in fact nothing at all..
Stress is not a suitable word to describe it.
Now as a temp staff, I feel that there's nothing to achieve at all,
Work is just a boring routine I have to suffer to avoid naggings and to earn my keep..
Nothing to look forward to..
Nothing to accomplish,
No sense of satisfaction besides that I had earned one more day of work.
Leaning on the optimistic side,
It is an eye opener..
I'm exposed to different types of people..
The self-centered, "It's your problem, don't ask me" kind, the scornfuls, backstabbers, double-headed snake, the helpful, kind, the generous.
Be it good or bad, its an incredible experience that $$ can't buy.
I miss rp life..

:D
1:31 AM

New Creation Church - I See Grace

Jesus, my help
I call on Your name
I cast my cares on You
Jesus, my hope
My tower of strength
My faith is found in You.

I see You pierced,
Wounded for me
When I look to the cross
I see..

I see Grace
Sealed by Your Sacrifice
I see love reaching for me
Precious blood,
Washes and Sanctifies
Healing flows
Setting me free
I see Grace

Bearer of sin
Afflicted and tried
You paid redemption's price
Bearing my curse
You set me on high,
Your death has brought me life

I see You pierced
Wounded for me,
When I look to the cross
I see..

I see grace,
Sealed by Your Sacrifice
I see love reaching for me.
Precious blood
Washes and Sanctifies
Healing flows
Setting me free
I see Grace

I see You pierced
Wounded for me
When I look to the cross,
I see..
I see You pierced
Wounded for me
When I look to the cross,
I see..

I see Grace
Sealed by Your Sacrifice
I see love reaching for me.
Precious blood,
Washes and Sanctifies
Healing flows..
Setting me free
I see Grace

I see Grace.

I feel very tired and queasy.
I feel like hiding to a corner..
I wanna sleep my entire day..
Not to wake up .. To find me lost in the routine again.

:D
10:13 PM

Corrinne May - If You Didn't Love Me

If every drop of water disappeared from the land
And every drop of ocean suddenly turned to sand
That would all be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

What if I woke up and couldn't hear a sound
And all that I could see was darkness all around
That would still be nothing
Compared to what I'd feel
If you didn't love me

If I could have the world and all that money could buy
And I could travel far beyond the moon and the sky
If they gave me golden wings,
Well I still couldn't fly
Without you, nothing would matter

You and I walk beside each other day after day
But there's so much inside me, I never get to say
My life would be so empty
With nothing left to feel
If you didn't love me
If you didn't love me

:D
10:04 PM

I'm living with a grenade everyday

Criticism,
Drunkedness,
Injuries,
Wounds,
Break-up,
Unable to run..
Jump
Badminton,
Swim,
Gym,
Bball..
I can't do these till my injuries heal..
But when will it heal?
1 day?
2 weeks?
3 months?
4 years?
or never?
This time my injuries don't look optimistic..
My spine is feeling the tinge..
It hurts like crap.
I feel like crying..
I'm tired..
I'm no good..
I've lost my passion..
The spark of my life.

:D
11:06 PM

Olivious..

Scars..
A painful reminder not to repeat the same mistake..
The inflicting pain..
Yet, it's the same mistake I'm repeating.
When will I ever learn to listen?
Some things are just meant to past..
Not meant to have..
But why am I committing myself in a never-ending maze again?
The misery that never vanishes..
Never changes..
The oblivious let-go that I would never obey.
The lukewarm-ness..
The stubborness and deceit.
That one day everything will change for the better..
But will it really get better?

:D
11:30 PM

Corrinne May - Scars (Stronger for Life)

I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don’t want to hear them say
“You’re no good at this”

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Swimming in my tears

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I’m meant to be
Melting in your hand

Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Cut away
All within me
That won’t bear fruit
Cut away
All within me
Cut away
All within me
That won’t bear fruit
Cut away
All within me

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger
Scars make us stronger for life

:D
11:29 PM

Understanding.

The moon looks beautiful today.
Though it isn't full but it appears to be bright and energetic.
At times like this, I can't help but to ponder..
About my journey in this world so far..
The events that have happened..
The present..
My surroundings..
The people around me..
Relationships..
Why is it still stagnant?
When I look back..
It is frustrating that after 5 months..
It still feels like the beginning..
His thinking..
Feels like a stranger that I don't exactly know actually.
Though at times I do smile at the moments I really enjoyed with him.
But does safeguarding your personally secrets still important in a r/s?
I don't mean friend's secrets..
But rather own secrets..
The key to your soul.
No one's at fault..
But what do I know?
How to deeply understand?
When everything's only on the surface.
It's like a frozen river with an ice surface..
A wrong step and one could get drown.
Like wise, a r/s will break when misunderstandings and misconceptions draws in the picture.
Personally, a solid r/s derives from a deep understanding of each other.
Good communication.
Trust.
Understanding each other's thoughts.
Understanding each other's emotions.
Understanding each other's behavoir.
But what have I understand?
I really want to understand him..
Not to neglect him..
But how to?
When the reply is always a dead end answer and ends with a silence.
It is annoyingly tired to ask and not get an elaborated answer everytime.
It is always either "I don't know how to say leh" or "No use to say all this already".
How to understand when I am not God that reads minds?
Teach me.

:D
11:46 PM

You are the Alpha and Omega.. nothing beats You.

I've started working at NTUC Income..
So far, the work's manageable.
Compared to the rest of my previous jobs,
this admin job is the best.
Time flies quite fast here..
Salary is reasonable.
But I'm only employed for 2-3 mnths.
The HR person told me its for 3 mnths..
But the letter stated only 2..
That left me confused.

After May I've to look for a job again..
That I can work even after I enter SIM.
I've realised that money makes the world go round..
You can fulfill your materialistic 'wants' as long as there's $$..
However, $$ is still not everything..
It can't buy friendship ties and harmony.
Peace and bountiful joy also cant be purchased..
At the end of the day,
$$ is just an incentive that the Lord had blessed me with.
He is still the best.
The Lord of my life.

:D

:D
11:16 PM

Avril Lavigne - Too Much to Ask?

It's the first time
I've ever felt this lonely
I wish someone could cure this pain
It's funny when you think it's gonna work out
'Til ya chose weed over me, you're so lame

I thought you were cool until the point
Up until the point you didn't call me
When you said you would
I finally figured out you're all the same
Always coming up with some kind of story

Every time I try to make you smile
You're always feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh,
You can't
You're too tough
You think you're loveless
Is that too much that I'm askin for?

I thought you'd come around when I ignored you
So I thought you'd have the decency to change
But babe, I guess you didn't take that warning
'Cause I'm not about, to look at your face again

Can't you see that you're lying to yourself?
You can't see the world through a mirror....
It won't be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

But every time I try to make you smile
You always go on feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh
You’d stand like a stone
Alone in your zone
Is that too much that I'm askin for?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Can't find where I am
Lying here
Alone in fear
Afraid of the dark
no one to claim
Alone again

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Can't you see that you're lying to yourself?
You can't see the world through a mirror...
It won't be too late when the smoke clears
'Cause I, I am still here

But every time I try to make you smile
You always go on feeling sorry for yourself
Every time I try to make you laugh
You can't
You're too tough
You think you're loveless
It was too much that I asked him for.

Is it too much to ask for?

:D
3:24 AM

Feelings..

Everything's blizzardly cold.

I feel very sad..
I feel very lost.
I feel like screaming my lungs out..
I feel like venting out my frustrations.
I feel that my heart is soaked with acid..
I feel very wrenched.
I feel despondent.
I feel that I'm gonna lose my mind soon.
I feel like beating something.
I feel worried.
I feel that everything's coming to an end.

I don't feel good.
I don't feel like talking.
I don't feel like a good gf..
I don't feel sane anymore.

:D
12:00 AM